Thursday, July 31, 2008

DRAMA! Oh, and happy belated 7 months to uss <3

So, it's that time again when I have to write a paper and prepare a speech by tomorrow and I decide to sit here and write an entry instead.

DRAMA: So as far as that goes, I've opened pandora's box the other day when I came across a forum that I was linked to by an ex. It was about bikes (turbo hayabusaaaa). I looked around then began to browse through the forum, when I realized that it's the same forum that hosts car meets weekly in my area, and that I've actually been to one with my bf few months back. He hasn't gone in a while, and I forgot about it, so I thought it was interesting how I ended up there and kept browsing.

Then I came across a thread, giving an award for best/worst of the forums. After quickly skimming through and noticing that my ex was nominated for a bunch of asshole-like things, I saw that the 2nd post after the awards were given, had my bf's s/n in it. Of course that intrigued me, so I kept reading. The post said something along the lines that my bf should've won the best NSF thread for his exgf thread. What??? exgf??? SO THIS IDIOT curious george, aka, donna, decides to hit the search button and look for it. Voila, it comes up, but sadly, I needed to join the forums. It was a sign I should stop looking, but no, I persisted. I finally saw the thread, and my bf posted that his exgf was a slutbag/whore and that they should flick her off if they saw her. His post apparently had pictures, but it was no longer available (the post was approximately 9 months back). It wasn't that interesting, so I kept reading through the pages (there were 9) and I saw various random pictures of guys posting topless girls saying this and that and acting like guys. Then I stopped on page 6. One of the guys apparently had saved copies of the original pictures, and reposted them on his private server. 6 pictures of Lauren, my bf's ex that he dated officially for 2 weeks, was on the page. 2 of her in one of his shirts, the rest, topless, on his bed.


What the hell did I just dig myself into.

I linked that specific post to Chris and said I didn't know what to make of the situation. He began to explain to me that he didn't mean anything to her and that she had cheated on him so he was lashing out at her, and only uploaded 2 of the clothed pictures of her, and the rest were stolen by his coworker and uploaded via his account (the pictures were under someone else's account so that checked out). He said it was in the past and it was the last thing he wanted me to see and that he wished we could just drop it and move on. I didn't know what to think. We talked about it, had some dinner, I got to feeling better, and went over to his place, and all I could think about was that skank on his bed! It actually took me at least half an hour before I sat next to him on his bed after he said I was being weird and needed to get over it. We spent some good quality time together, then I headed home after tucking him in. I was all happy and dandy when I started thinking and noticed loose ends and details that didn't add up.

Somewhere in my skimming through the 6 pages, I remember reading that Chris had posted something about photobucket taking down his pictures because they were in violation of the terms. This only happens when there is inappropriate or copy righted content... and why are clothed picture considered inappropriate... So I began to scan through again. Sigh, wtf is wrong with me. I looked through, and everything began to confirm my suspicion (when he told me he only posted 2 pics, my head was screaming BULLSHIT, but I decided to take his word anyway). I couldn't find the post he wrote about photobucket anymore, when I realized he edited the posts right after I mentioned it to him earlier that day! WTF??? So being a bit more alarmed, I began to thoroughly look through the contents. As with all forums, when a post is quoted, it doesn't change because the original poster changes his or her content. UNluckily for Chris, of the 2-3 posts he edited out, they were all quoted right under him by some dude. After getting increasingly upset that he lied to me, I texted him: "You lied to me" hehe, talk about being direct.

So the next morning, (our 7 months...) he gives me a call and says that he doesn't know what I'm talking about. I was dumbfounded that he would actually take it this far and still deny it. I explained to him what I had found and why it didn't make sense. He was still giving me excuses...... when I was finally fed up and said, if I were to ask your coworker right now, would he tell me what you did? I guess he felt guilty, finally admitted to uploading all 6 pictures. Now, I was ready to forget about the whole situation, EVEN if he had posted the topless pictures of her. As far as I was concerned, I didn't like the girl as much as he did, considering he cheated on her and I don't know her. Frankly, I didn't give a fuck about her. But I was just disappointed that he would lie to me and take it this far. He explained to me that there are some things that he wouldn't want me seeing, and that he didn't want it to hurt our relationship and possibly break my trust because of something he did that he isn't proud of before he even met me. He wanted it to just go away, but I didn't let it go and it came to that point. He said he wanted to protect me from it. Umm, as much as that sounds all squishy and nice, I hate it when people tell me they wanted to protect me from something by lying to me. I told him straight up that I'll forgive him and forget about it as long as he promises to be honest in the future. If he doesn't want to talk about something because he's ashamed, he should just tell me the reason why and tell me he doesn't want to talk about it. It's not like I'm going to strangle him for it xD

Anyway, later that night, we got together and I cooked, and he invited some friends over and hung out. Then we spent some MORE quality time together.... lol.

He looks super happy here, like we never even fought. It could be that his hand is on my boob -_-.

Anyway, onto a lighter note. Courtney was actually texting Chris the night I was out at dinner with him talking about the issue the night it came up. She was being retarded and he said he remembered her saying she wanted to talk to him about something. Well he spent the entire night with me so I guess she never got a chance. I ask him today what she wanted, and he said she wanted to know whether he was mad at her cuz he hadn't been talking to her lately. Hah! GOOD! I laughed and said that he should've told her that she's not worth his breath to talk to. I even jokingly added on that I'd do his house chores for a month if he actually said that to her.

Few minutes later, he sends me a text saying he said it, which she replied "wtf? what's your deal?" and that now I had to do his chores. WTF#@$@#%@% I asked if she cried, and he said no. I said it didn't count if she didn't cry. :)

So yeah, now I'm sitting here... half writing my paper, and somewhat doing research for my speech that's to be delivered tomorrow...........................................sigh. I also need to pack tomorrow and be done with it so I can have an easy moving day on Saturday.

Hope you girlies are having a fun week, I know my life always gets a little crazy right before finals. BOO!!!

Monday, July 28, 2008


So we went through some interesting topics in my ethics class today. We went over the Sameness and Differences principles. Is it equally wrong/bad to let someone die as it is to kill someone?

Suppose that you hate someone, and have the intention to kill them. So you do your thing and drown them in water. Suppose that I have the same intention, but instead of drowning them, I find the person already drowning. I let the person drown. Are we equally bad?

I thought about it, and Rachels, who supports the sameness principle says that not doing anything is still doing something. By not doing anything to help the person from drowning, is doing something. Doing something that contributed to their death. I guess it works in some sense, especially when I applied it to what have been going on with my bf. My bf and the hoe Courtney...... I yelled at him about her for the last time last night. According to him, she's the one texting and whatnot, but by him "not doing anything" about it, he is just as much doing something! If he made it clear that she should leave him the fuck alone, then he could've avoided all this. But nooo, because of "work relations" he has to be nice to her. Fuck that. If I ever get the chance, I'd let the bitch drown and laugh because

A: according to Utilitarianism, if the net happiness is greater than the net unhappiness, then the action is justified. Meaning, my happiness will be at about 100000000 when her unhappiness of dying is at about 10..... so yeah, 100000000 > 10.

B: according to Psychological Egoism, if my intention wasn't to kill, but it was because of something else, then it would be justified. Meaning, my choice of lack of action is because I'm too lazy to waste my energy in saving the fatass, not that I didn't want to save her.

C: if Mother Nature wants to let her course of natural selection work its magic, who am I to get in the way?

Anyway, onto lighter topics...
I spent the entire weekend with the bf. I'm kinda tired of him now, lol. We went and saw Step Brothers on Friday night....... it was an ok movie at best. Kinda funny, but pretty stupid. Saturday... we had brunch together, I went and moved some stuff into my new condo, had dinner together, then I headed back home... to my HOME where my parents are. Sunday, I tutored, drove back, then went grocery shopping with the bf. Before we left though, there were ants all over his car! Wtf??? I got bit..... in like 3 diff places. I hate ants. I hate bugs. Ugh. Then I cooked some sandwiches out of what we had at the house. It was kinda like buttered grilled-cheese sandwich with cooked chicken covered in seasoned crumbs. Something was missing though, I couldn't really put a finger on it. I wanted to put some tomato sauce on it, but the bf said he didn't think it would taste right. We ended up eating some pepperjack potato chips or something with it, so it kinda evened out.

Oh, while out grocery shopping with the bf, I finally found some glycerin! I've looked everywhere for it! Some places required that you need prescription for it (wtf?) and some places just didn't have it. I found one yesterday, so I snagged one while I could. Except, I'm not really sure how to apply it. My brush ends up soaking up the mixing medium, and even if I drain it out a bit, there's too much water to compensate for the pigments. How the hell do I apply with mixing medium!!! wtfxfkjawelkf

Haha, the bf and I were discussing this girl he went out on a date with once (cuz we sort of ran into her at the restaurant on Saturday). She was blonde, had a very tall jewish like nose, and a big forehead, hahaha. I don't think she was that bad looking though. She was pretty petite and looked pretty put together in my opinion. He said she was too "country" and was raised on a farm and whatnot, and they didn't get along very well. I said she had a big nose like Courtney, had a big forehead like her, and was blonde, except she was petite. Then the bf accused of me of thinking that I thought of myself as little miss perfect. Wtf! I complain about what my body COULD be all the time, but he says face-wise, he thinks I'm perfect. I explained that I could to a certain extent alter how my body looks, but I can't do anything about my face. If I had my way, I'd want larger eyes, smaller face, taller nose bridge and whatnot. Since I'm not for cosmetic surgery, there's no reason for me to complain about something I can't change.

So the moral of the post? Eat your veggies!

Not really. Sigh, I still need to pack and go furniture shopping to get ready to move in this weekend................... so much to do, so little time.........

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I love pictures, don't you? oh and PENIS ENVY

Please don't think I'm addicted to penis or something or that I want a penis. I figured I'd make an entry while I procrastinate once more. I realized that the psychology quizzes that are due tomorrow are extra credit, so I'm putting that off till later. I still have a 1200 word essay to write for my ethics class on old people and health care system... or something like that. Oh, not to mention, I'm still studying for my psychology exam tomorrow. Has anyone read Just Health by Norman Daniels by chance? hehehe.

So while I'm studying for my psychology exam, I started getting random thoughts. When I read up on developmental stages of a baby and how psychology works for them.... (or something like that, I don't know, I'm kinda cracked out) I started thinking of dead baby jokes. I know, awful, right? But I am a bit sleep deprived and caffeine deprived... hahaha

THEN the subject of Freud's ideas came up. I love Freud. He's so blunt and radical hahaha. The one part I read up on is developmental psychological stages of a child. There's the ORAL stage. This is the stage between the moment you're born and till you're about 1. Pleasure is derived from your mouth. Food = pleasure. Nipples = pleasure. I guess anything of that sort. Then you develop these "sexual" desires from chewing, licking, sucking.... god what a pervert. Then there's the ANAL stage. LOL. You poo and basically get pleasure from taking a crap. This is from age 2-3. Then the PHALLIC stage. Age 3-5, and this is when you develop oedipal complex or electra complex. Basically this stage, you get "pleasure" from stimulation of genitals, aka INFANTILE MASTURBATION AHAHHAHA. Then there's the latency genital stage, which isn't all that of a news, from 6-13 (puberty), and you get horny and stuff.

Yeah, I guess it's pretty interesting....... or so I thought, till I got to PENIS ENVY. HAHAHHAH. I don't know why it's so funny. Apparently, it happens in girls when they would like to be boys and reject their mothers for not having a penis. This clearly does not apply to lesbos. I think. Or does it? I heard that homosexuality is actually nature's way of putting a cap on population. So you know what that means? GAY PEOPLE ARE DEFECTS OF SOCIETY! Well, I guess that's a blunt way of saying it. They're supposedly born, with their brains wired to be attracted to the same sex. This happens in animals too.

Anyway, there's my 2 cents on homosexuality.

So... onto today's activities. I slept late, woke up late, finished my speech project, went to class looking somewhat like..
that. I think having heavy cleopatra bangs (I know most people call them chinese bangs, but it reminds me of cleopatra more than chinese people, LOL) makes my face look rounder......... Anyway. I think I had eyeliner on my top lid and ran off to class with no make up. I know I'm supposed to look "nice" during speech days, but you know what, SCREW LOOKING NICE. I love sleeping.

Anyway, fast forward a few hours, and lots of studying, my bf asks me to come out to hang out with the guys and have dinner and whatnot. I decided that I should probably take a break...... so I went out, after telling him I look like hell and told him if he didn't want to be embarrassed, I could stay back LOL. I'm such a dork. I'm not insecure about myself btw. I know that some days just aren't my days, and I honestly feel bad for HIM to have to be around me, you know? Or maybe you don't.


I rarely have noticeable bags under my eyes, but LOOK. The picture doesn't do justice on how bad it is! Even my bf noticed. He was like what! You have dark circles?!

I noticed just now, that my pictures have diff hair styles in my last post. I frequently color or change it up, cuz I honestly don't like looking the same way. And I figure, if I don't experiment at this age, when am I gonna get the balls to venture out and see what looks the best on me? (I recently cut my bangs, and my bf hates them hahaha).
So yeah, here'a chronological order of how my hair has been....... somewhat.

I can't believe I'm posting these.

2002. 8th grade. I was so damn ugly hahahaha

2003. still 8th grade, AWKWARD STAGE.

2004. Oh god, the blonde

04, freshman year, darker hair...

2005. Started to look better... oh, and my first car!

Ok. It looks like I'm gonna have to do another post on 06-08. Way too many pics from that point on and I started experimenting more. HAHAHa look at my braces. Damn I was such a dork... well I still am. So I'll leave you guys with not such an ugly-duckling childhood pic.

My cousin's son and I.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I am an awesome GF. oh.. and an intro.

Damn you girls! Made me really want to start my own blog so I can tell you guys all about my life. I'm so self-centered... oh well, better out than in!

Anyway, this is me......... in a toga LOL. Dang it looks like I'm about to have a nip slip. I DIDN'T THOUGH!

I just recently got into make up and I've been playing with it, but I've been back to my neutral-not-so-make-up-filled faces again, and I guess that's kind of good... I just don't look as polished, hahaha.

Me, without anything on face, and I guess I decided to look like a clown that day.

The bf and I, it's such a weird picture, but I love it, hahah.

Blurry....... booo.

^ a pic from my cousin's wedding. The cousin that's standing next to me is the bride's brother. Wtf is with these blurry pictures. I guess nobody has steady hands these days. I did some kinda smokey look but it got all icky cuz it was super hot out. Gross.

I love pictures. I love taking pictures of everything, especially ME. Hahahaha, not really, but I do love taking pics with the bf. Too bad we haven't had much time for it lately considering he's been on his trip, and just got back. I actually have gazillion things to do tonight, and instead, it's 2:05am and I'm sitting here making a blog. Wtf is wrong with me. I disabled facebook to have one less thing to waste my time with, and I start up another to eat up more time. UGHHH.

So I have 6 psychology quizzes to take online before Friday (anyone wanna take it for me?) my informative speech due tomorrow (I need to finish the formal outline, key word outline, cite that crap in APA... who the hell uses APA? why can't we all use MLA? fck.#$@#R$#) ... psychology exam Friday, and Ethics paper on a book I didn't read due also on Friday. So while I was working hard today to get all this done........... NOT....... I text my bf to check on what he's doing for the night, and I was planning on telling him that I was uber busy. Turns out, he's sick as a dog and he left work early (he never does that :( ) so being a super duper awesom gf, I pushed back going to the library till later and picked up some food, some soup, and went over to his place. Gave him a nice long massage (all that working out as been helping I guess, cuz I felt no burning sensation after giving him a longass massage!), then he wanted to cuddle and heated me to death....... yes, heated, he didn't exactly have a fever, but he was hotter than usual. Then he went to eat some food I brought, and when I asked if he had taken some painkillers for the aching, he says no, and that he wasn't sure if he had any. Sure enough, he was out! It was already 9:30 at this point and the library closes at midnight during the summer, I was in a hurry, but I felt bad, so I went to grab some aspirin for him, FED HIM the damn thing, then left.

Not to mention what happened last night... We were supposed to cook dinner and just hang out and catch up since he's been gone all weekend, but when I call him to see what was up, he tells me that he was going out to dinner with his coworkers and half-invited me out. It didn't really sound like he wanted me there, and I was cool with it, so I told him to go. I did mention that power was out at my place cuz a lightning struck the power line and set it on FIYAAAA. It was kinda cool. So he told me to go over to his place and wait for him..... 2 hrs later, he tells me he's finally coming, and apologized for being late, but his boss wanted to talk to him. Before he does though, he has the balls to ask me to do his damn laundry! WTF! And guess what, I did it. Why am I such an awesometastic gf? I tell myself this everyday so I don't feel bad when I act like a bitch to him.... ehehehe

Anyway, enough about him, about us, but I have a feeling I'll blog mostly about my life happenings with him and school and a little bit of make up and whatnot.

OH, and "Donnalananananana" comes from my name, and one of my best friend's name, Svetlana, somehow fused together to be donnalana, which then morphed into donnalanananana.... which some of my friends actually call me by. Just thought I'd add before I go back to my fcking alfkjlwekfj speech. Guess what it's on, GARBAGE ISLAND! Sounds gross, but it actually is an interesting topic. You all should read up!